Fingerprints

Once upon a time, this woman touched my life. She left beautiful fingerprints, that did not live happily ever after, but, They did live on. For better or for worse.

Let me introduce to you...

With a new year comes a new post and a New Years resolution to write more posts then I did last year! So I'm pleased to say that, if you hadn't noticed, I"m already halfway there.

So, Because I only posted once last year, here's my recap- A porter-loo-truck of shit went down. It was one wild year, that's for sure.

Anyway. Without further ado, I introduce to you- The most recently discovered characters of my soul from the past 12 months- The monsters within.

These monsters within, they are so very pretty. They are colourful and bright. Fleeting and chaotic. They're here now... and we're all doomed.

They are the insides of my soul who have spun me around for so long now that I have begun to throw them up from the deep pits of my being, on display for everyone to see.

They cannot be vanished.

They cannot be ignored.

They cannot be forgotten.

So instead they will be explored.

I am on adventure to discover these creatures of mine. To fully understand them. To work with them instead of fight against them and to see what beautiful havoc we can reek on the world.

I just wish they would hold the fuck still for a few moments. But then if it were easy then the challenge wouldn't be worth pursuing.

Stay tuned, if you will, to share this journey of discovery with me.

Why Hello

University of Newcastle. New beginnings. New experiences. New career. Great new people. Great new social life. Newcastle Goon Society. New ways of thinking. New entertainment. Studying what I want to, when I want to. Finding my place. Excitement. Diversity. Culture. Uni parties. Mind expansion. Self awareness. Freebies at O week. Multiple scholarships. Goon Idol. Bar on the Hill. The Queer Society. Sport? Soccer? (Possibly) Abundant opportunities (definitely).

A mans new home is a mans new castle.

Newly Inherited family. Six degrees of separation. Mind blowing connections. Moments of compulsion. Trusting instincts. Following the heart. Acceptance. Happy tears. Realizations. Information. Filling in gaps. Patching up old holes in the fabric of the soul. A new sense of self. Celebrations. Genetic comparisons. Scary similarities. Catching up. Reconnecting with our roots. Healing.

Family is a sweet blessing. I've been blessed beyond measure.


Psychotherapy Treatment. Learning. Growing. Changing. Becoming more. Honest. With myself and, just as importantly, with others. Being in control. Determination. Recovery. Finding myself. Figuring out how to relate. Not being at odds with everything. Smiling, and actually meaning it. Connecting. Treating myself with respect. Treating others with Respect. Doing the right thing. Healing.

I'll still be crazy... I'll just be better at it then before.

New Job. Saving. Op-shopping. Learning how to budget. Awesome uniform. Retail. Fiona well kept and in good condition. Fashion. People skills.



Life. Riding the highs. Overcoming the lows.

Follow that thought..

They tell me I'm on a journey. These people who look inside.

It must be one epic journey. Some adventure. They call it life. Fuck that. I call it fighting for existence.

I would invite you in if not for the fear of how you judge. Will you tell me how to live my life? Because it's possible I may listen...

It must look quite incredible. Unbelievable even.

But then perhaps I'm just delusional and vain? To think my existence could be any more interesting then someone elses. More interesting then yours even?

Forgive my words tonight for they have been suffering from writers block for quite some time now. I never usually post my non-sensical (yay for making up words... wait I think that is a word..?) rants here. They just get written, thought about, deleted and then forgotten.

Alot of shit is gunna happen when pigs learn how to fly. Thats for sure.

I was dancing upon clouds yesterday when I realised that I forgot my sense of direction. Have you ever forgotten which way is up and which way is down? Similiar to being dumped in the surf by a wave and frantically trying to surface for air only to paddle straight into the ground. I have a habit of that you know. Trying to find what I need and then driving myself to the exact opposite and into the ground.

Purpose. I'm trying to find one. I often keep finding that im useless though.

Well goodnight.

Oh, and Sorry.

I am

I am fighting.
I am trying.
I am living.
I am surviving.

up

I am
And
I am

Down

I am sick.
I am twisted.
I am struggling.
I am wrong.
I am weak.
I am stupid.
I am unorganised.
I am unbalanced.
I am tired.
I am exhausted.
I am delusional.
I am insecure.
I am worthless
I am hopeless
I am irrational
I am needy
I am directionless
I am hurting
I am overwhelmed
I am suffocating
I am dramatic
I am selfish
I am arrogant
I am anxious
I am depressed

I am everything I wish I wasn't

Short and Short

No poetry. No structure. No pre-planned thought process. I just need a good old-fashioned vent I guess...

Life is hectic. Touch and go. Right now I seem to be living one day at a time. Going from one feeling to the next. Feel as though I need more organisation. More structure. More routine. More exercised self-control. I need to sort my shit out.

You make my head revolve. Although the circles in my head aren't really circles. They're more circuits. The tangents are never ending and sometimes leave me feeling lost.

Ahhh I'm too tired to write anymore...

Friend of a Kind

To My messed up, cigarette smoking, paranormal activity magnetic, unappreciated, pubic hair waxing, tattooed, huggie wearing, pierced, smart arsed, dearest friend,

I guess all I can really say is- I'm so glad I have you.