When you're mad...

"Anyone can become angry- that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way- this is not easy."

ARISTOTLE, The Nicomacbean Ethics

I read in a psychology book titled 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman that anger always builds on anger. The longer we ruminate about what has made us angry, the more 'good reasons' and self justifications we can invent for being angry... Anger is a seductive emotion. Unlike sadness, anger is energizing, sometimes even exhilarating. So I've decided it may be a good idea to express myself by saying- I am angry, but instead, try not to bitch, rant and moan over what has made me angry. Instead I will write to calm myself down.

So I had my job interview today. It went quite well apart from when I started having a coughing fit towards the end of the interview. But I guess that's just a minor set back. I don't know if i got the job yet (I'll hear from them about it tomorrow) but I'm pretty confident with my effort. There has been something playing on my mind however in relation to the job. I only just recently started working at Rafferties Resort and although I've only had one shift, I really enjoy working there. I havnt spoken to Richard (my boss who is lovely) yet about this job and what happens if I get it.. I'm worried about his reaction, I don't want him to think that I'm not loyal. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. This new job can be very emotionally demanding and requires me to be able to work night shifts. I wonder if I'd be able to keep both jobs and work at Rafferties during the day... The lady at the interview said that generally not many people are able to juggle two jobs whilst working with this company... I think I'll sleep on it for now. If i get any sleep tonight that is.

Day 4 of my coughing fits and it seems to have only slightly improved. I went to the doctors today just to make sure it wasn't pneumonia or anything like that. the doctor said he's pretty certain its just a virus but had me tested for hooping cough just to be sure. I should have abs of steel by the time I'm finished with this darn thing. My stomach muscles ache. But as my father always says- Ah well, such is life.

I look forward everyday to seeing the new photos that my former school teacher, now newly emerging photographer, Naomi Frost, has edited and posted on Facebook. You see, after I shaved my hair for Shave For a Cure I asked Naomi how much it would cost for a portrait to document my lack of hair and to have a good display picture for my profile for the Leukemia foundation . She was very generous and said she would do a whole photo shoot with me for free for my cause. I was stoked! We had such a fun time getting creative with the camera and I'm so impressed with the works of art she has created! She is an amazing photographer and digital artist! Now, thanks to her, I feel brave, bald and beautiful.

Prospects..

Welcome back again to the window of my fleeting spirit,

It was another sleepless struggle last night as I was kept up with my hideous dry cough again right through to the early hours of the morning. Although I must say after much bed rest today and lots of fluids and good food, I'm feeling significantly better. Hopefully I will be able to get a decent amount of sleep tonight though because tomorrow is going to be a very important day!

I got a call this afternoon from A certain Youth Services company on my way home from the pharmacy.

You see, this morning, around 2am when I couldn't sleep, I decided to whip out my laptop and finally get around to putting my application in over the net for this youth services job. I've been interested in working with this company as a residential carer for quite some time now and have been patiently waiting to turn 18 so I could apply. Turns out I have an interview at 11am tomorrow morning. I'm so excited! I've been talking about doing this for so long and now its finally happening!

Everything in my life just seems to be falling into place... I mean... I guess it's true what my friend Laura says- the good thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way from there is up. It was around September last year that I went into a bit of a downward spiral in life. Well a bit is sort of understated. Fortunate enough though, I had a lot of great friends and family around me that were very supportive and were able to help me get back on my feet. Since then I've gotten through my HSC, graduated from High School, was accepted into Uni for languages, got my license and bought a car, started an awesome TAFE course in out door recreation, had a grant passed for my scuba diving course, finally made it to 18, got a new job at Rafferties resort, become a lot more fit and healthy, done shave for a cure, become a bone marrow donor and now I've got an interview for the job I really want! The interesting thing about all of this though is that I wrote all of these things down as goals. I wanted these things to happen... Its like I willed all of these great things into my life. I mean I know that a lot of these things are normal mile stones in a teenagers life but from where I was in September, it makes me really happy to see how far I've come. It gives me hope for the future and its a reminder that failing isn't falling down, its staying down...

Welcome.

Welcome to the first ever post for my blog. I hope you enjoy your stay.

I've been meaning to create a blog for so long now but I guess I'm just lazy as well as the fact that I have commitment issues. Yes that's right- I even have problems with committing to a blog. Its pathetic. But we'll talk about that another time.

Tamara Campbell was originally the one who inspired me to write a blog as I have followed her blog for quite some time now and have just really enjoyed reading it. If you've read her blog before you would agree that she has such a great style of writing. I always wonder to myself how fluid her style is or whether she has to sit down for quite some while to capture the thought. But either way she seems to be able to make the most simple things interesting in writing.

Currently at this moment I am laying in bed wrapped up trying to keep warm with a hideous dry cough that's making my stomach heave. I am currently MEANT to be at Blacksmiths Beach today surfing with my TAFE course. But no. I am sick. Pain. In. The. Arse.

But as my father always says- Ah well, Such is life.

I'm thinking that I may have gotten sick because my body is still trying to adjust to my lack of hair in the cold. I recently did shave for a cure and I must say, hair has so much more use then just looking pretty! The most obvious use would be keeping your head warm for instance. Having a lack of hair (I only went to a number 2 with the clippers) has opened my eyes so much and given me some really different experiences though. For instance I will tell you the story of how I met the man named Brian.

I really do believe that everything happens for a reason you know. Even if sometimes you cant see or understand the reason, the energy of the universe has its own motives and it can bring you to the most peculiar situations every now and again. Which brings me to how I met Brian. I will not tell you who Brian is or why he is significant straight up as it will ruin the story.

It was about week before my 18th birthday party that I went searching for a costume to wear. I had turned 18 the day before and my dad wanted to take me out for lunch in town to celebrate. It was a lovely day so i decided that I would go into town early, park my car at Nobbys beach car park and walk through the park and along Hunter street keeping an eye out for a jungle Jane outfit for my jungle themed party. Plus I was stingy and didn't want to pay for parking.

I found an outfit to put together before I had to meet dad but I was undecided as to whether I should buy this leopard print top hat I found from this grovey little retro shop along Hunter street. After all, it was going to be cold without any hair, but where would I wear a leopard print top hat again? So being undecided, I went to lunch with dad and thought of the possibility of going back to the store afterward to make up my mind. I told Dad about the top hat and he said i should at least go back and look at it again.

So it was after Dad and I had said our goodbyes and he left that I went walking along Hunter street once more. I don't know if you know Newcastle very well, but if you are familiar with Hunter street then you will know it's a veeeery long street. Lots of shops. Lots of culture. A lot of life. I had walked up and down Hunter street three times! Just trying to find this shop again. It was like something out of Harry Potter; as if the shop had just disappeared. With very sore feet and a frustrated attitude I was just about to give up when the Universe threw me a curve ball.

As I was walking past more and more shops a quote on the window of a building happened to catch my eye. I love a good quote you see. I cant quite remember what this quote said but it was the reason why I became interested in the place. It was the most peculiar looking shop I had ever seen. As i peered through the window I spotted a whole wall full of VW collectibles, A full drum set and other various instruments upon the floor and a show case full of other bits and pieces. I was entranced with curiosity and hadn't the slightest clue why. I went to the door of the building and was confused to find steel bars in the doorway. As I looked through the steel bars I noticed a humble old man sitting at his desk peering at me. I was soon discover that this mans name was Brian.

"Can I help you my dear?" he asked with a curious expression upon his face.
"Yeah.." I replied, "What kind of a shop is this?"
Brians face lit up as he began to smile and he chuckled "Well... It's actually a residence."

I was so embarrassed!! I apologized profusely but all Brian could do was laugh.

'What made you think it was a shop dear?" asked Brian kindly.
I explained to him that it was the VW collectables on the wall that made me think it was perhaps an antique store. Brian politely explained in return that he and the man he was staying with were obsessed with VW cars. Brian explained that he was from Adelaide and was in Newcastle for the Steam Train festival. From here the conversation turned to me discussing how my sister has a VW bug and how she rode it off but was repairing it again.

"So is it fixed now?" Asked Brian.
"No, there's only one thing she needs to do now. See the fuel tank has rusted out from the bottom so she needs to find another one in good condition."
Brian asked me to wait where I was at the door and he returned with photos. He opened the door of bars and handed me the photos of a VW bug that he was doing up and another VW that he was using for spare parts.

"It just so happens I have a spare fuel tank in good condition that I have no use for if you would like to take it off my hands?"

I was shocked. The universe had lead me to a completely random place to meet a complete stranger that had something that someone I knew and cared for needed. But that wasn't the end of it.

As Brian went to write down his number so that my sister could call him to discuss the fuel tank and when to pick it up, i noticed a collection tin with the leukemia foundation shave for a cure picture on it, sitting on the desk next to me. I instantly got excited and asked who was doing shave for a cure. Brian explained that he and the man he was staying with did it last year and raised a bit of money. After being told this I began to tell him all about my party and how i was doing the same thing in a weeks time. Brian then revealed to me that he actually had leukemia which made me realize that this was the reason Brian looked sick and smelled strongly of disinfectant. It made sense.

I learnt so much about the sickness of leukemia from Brian first hand that day. By the time I had to leave I had spent three hours talking to this wonderful old man I had just met by complete coincidence. And it just so happened that I saw him again in two weeks time at the shave for a cure after party (which was nice because it meant I had someone I knew to talk to) and then again when my sister went to pick up the free fuel tank he gave her.

And so this experience has lead me to believe that when we become interested in a cause or subject, the universe will sometimes move fate all over the joint just to bring commonalities together.

Its amazing...