Dis. Jointed.

I begin to write. Stop. Delete. Start again.

I cant. Begin. To explain.

But. I Feel. I have to try. At least. For my own sanity's sake.

Few things on my mind. In particular.

Horrible accident. Yesterday. Blacksmiths. Beautiful girl my age. Killed. Wrecked ball of metal. Sirens. Road blocks. News reports. Flowers. Family. Friends. Community.I Didn't know her. Feels strange and not quite right to cry for a stranger. But that's human, right? Isn't that compassion?

Realisation. Always seeking validation. Attention. Approval. Since I was a child. Hate it. But still do it. Why? Cant. Be. Happy. With. Who. I. Am. It hurts. Other people. Have I really become. Heartless? Insecurity. Feels. Like. A sickness. Can I change? This? Has it become. Who I am? Or. Has it always been?

He says. Take responsibility. For actions. How? Thinking. May have to let him go. For both our sakes. Need to. Sort myself out. Cant love. Another. Unless. I can love. Myself.

Decision. Want to give. Back. To the system. That gave. So much to me. Going to become. Youth worker. Want to help. Others. Just. Cant. seem. to. help myself.

Time. I can feel it. Slipping through fingers. My roots. Fading away.

Sorry. Disjointed. Expression. Felt. Appropriate...